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We will be recording a live episode of the podcast (with stand-up comedy and live music) on Thursday, April 21st at Frank and Oak Ottawa. Check out the details here, and we'll see you there!
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Week 4 closes Dec 3rd!

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

#99 - Greg Kieran (Live from Frank & Oak) [18+]

This week, we had a special live podcast event at Frank & Oak, a boutique clothing store in Westboro. This is the second of two interviews this week, with this one featuring Greg Kieran, a stand-up comedian who chatted with us about sports, the independent comedy scene in Ottawa, and his Viktor Krum impression.

**[Please be advised, this episode features a few curses and some adult language.]**

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This episode is also brought to you in part by Audible.com. Visit audibletrial.com/ottawhat today and get a free audiobook and free 30-day trial, and feel good in helping support the show.

Links:
@Greg_Kieran on Twitter
@rukuba on Instagram

#98 - Alex Dhavernas (Live from Frank & Oak)

This week, we had a special live podcast event at Frank & Oak, a boutique clothing store in Westboro. This is the first of two interviews this week, with this one featuring Alex Dhavernas from Ministry of Coffee. We talked about the caffeine bean in great detail, the camaraderie of coffee shops in Ottawa, and the importance of fair trade.

Sponsor -
This episode is also brought to you in part by Audible.com. Visit audibletrial.com/ottawhat today and get a free audiobook and free 30-day trial, and feel good in helping support the show.

Links:
Ministry of Coffee

Friday, April 22, 2016

Glebe Residents Apply for Permit to Build Noise-Reducing Walls around Lansdowne

This week, a permit to build noise-reducing walls around Lansdowne was filed by Glebe resident Colin Frost, backed by a petition with more than 5,000 signatures. Frost, the originator of the petition, was annoyed by all the noise coming from the surrounding area, specifically the Lansdowne area near which he lives.

“My neighbours and I submit thousands of noise complaints every year to the city and nothing gets done. We tried being polite, but no progress was made so the neighbourhood decided to start making some noise of our own,” says Frost. “We gathered enough signatures, I believe 5,000 qualifies as ‘enough’, and I submitted a building permit request to the city to create noise-reducing walls around Lansdowne.”

Their problem is gaining some traction with local start-ups as well. Sound Off, an Ottawa start-up that creates noise cancelling walls has offered their services to many residents in the Glebe neighbourhood.

“We actually started our business because of the noise problem in that neighbourhood,” says Artur Bukowski, founder and CEO of Sound Off. “My friends and I were living there while attending Carleton University to study engineering and we had a hard time focussing on our studies during literally any event going on at Lansdowne, or any event happening anywhere within a seven block radius of the Glebe,” explained Bukowski. “Something about the acoustics of the area amplifies noise. We decided to create Sound Off to solve this problem.”

Sound Off uses solar powered noise-cancelling walls, which feature a thin membrane to capture sound, some complicated electronics to invert it, and then another thin membrane to play the sound out of the other end. The end result is reduced noise, working in the same way as noise cancelling headphones, which is what inspired Bukowski in the first place. “Since marketing specifically in the Glebe, we’ve become millionaires.”

Colin Frost has considered partnering with Sound Off to build the walls, but only if the permit gets approved.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Local Cult Celebrates Construction Season, Worships Sinkhole

The Hole Family, a local cult that celebrates Ottawa’s construction season, is calling out to all of its members to prepare for the upcoming work. The Ritual of the Falling Sinkhole is set for April 29th. It is a celebration of the sinkhole that took place by University of Ottawa on Waller Street in 2014.

The group is lead by cult leader Burt Washington, a retired construction worker who sustained an injury during the Waller Sinkhole incident. While Washington was not on site at the time of the sinkhole, he claims to have sustained “almost first degree burns” due to a faulty Tim Horton's lid that day. He also noted that construction lasted unusually long that year. The two events happening at the same time inspired him to devote his life to sinkholes .

“I thought, maybe the sinkhole was the reason construction lasted so long. The boys were working until late October, some of them mid-November. I decided to bring The Hole Family together to worship and appreciate the sinkhole as a good omen for construction workers,” said Washington. “If there’s a sinkhole this year, we’ll have an extra long season, probably eight or nine months. If there’s no sinkhole, it just means six more months of construction.”

The participants in the ritual encircle the perimeter of the location of the sinkhole on Waller Street, sporting traditional garb: yellow hard hats and reflective vests. The ritual begins with the ringing of a bell twelve times to signify the opening of the twelve-meter-wide sinkhole. It is then followed by a moment of silence, almost 120 seconds. The timing is specific, as it commemorates the twelve meters of the hole, and the almost ten months that construction season was open for in 2014. After the moment of silence, the circle disperses into groups of six, still around the sinkhole. One member in the group recites the press release from the day of the sinkhole, and then asks for a long construction season while the others stand and watch. The closing of the ritual is signified by ringing of the bell another twelve times, and then all members of the cult take the rest of the day off.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Fat Tuesdays Leaving Byward Market to go on Diet

It has been a sad couple of weeks in Ottawa’s Byward Market since Fat Tuesdays announced its departure from the lively lineup of restaurants. The news, however, is not all bad. Fat Tuesdays is taking his leave to get himself into better shape.

Ottawhat News sat down with Mr. Fat Tuesday for an exclusive and intimate interview.

Ottawhat News: Mr. Tuesday, what is the story behind your departure?
Fat Tuesday: Like I said in the press release, it’s to lose weight.

OWN: Of course, but what’s the story behind the story?
FT: After fourteen years in the market, I’ve made a lot of friends. I’ve seen my friends grow up, get new jobs, get married, have kids, and all that. After a while you start to feel bad for yourself, being stagnant and all that. I haven’t changed or grown – well, I have physically grown, but I haven’t grown as a person. Sure we offer great Cajun cuisine and a great dueling pianos show, but there’s more to life and I feel like I’ve missed it.

OWN: So you’re planning to “find yourself”?
FT: Why did you put quotes around “find yourself”?

OWN: Sorry, I didn’t think you could see punctuation.
FT: It’s a serious matter. I’m looking for self-actualization; I want to really understand myself. I thought I had it all when I was serving up food for all my friends. But then a few years go by and you’ve put on a few pounds because all you eat is fried food, and you think, “I can lose this, it’s no problem” but you forget about it the next time some coconut shrimp passes by. You keep going like that for a few more years and then you feel like something is missing, you know?

OWN: Missing?
FT: My raison d'ĂȘtre, my reason to exist. Anyone can make good food, but what sets me apart? Why am I doing all this? I see friends come and go all the time that I’m almost numb to it. I’m numb to a lot of things, I guess. I think that’s why I started eating a lot, to help me feel something. Like I’ve been saying all along, I need to become a better me, to be more true to myself. I started to notice about two years ago that my business was starting to slip. I tried to fix it with gimmicks, but that ended up driving more business away. That made me more sad so I continued eating to feel better.

OWN: What made you realize you wanted to make this serious change?
FT: My daughter, Ruby Tuesday, she came to visit me from the US about six months ago. We were having dinner one night and she was telling me about how she managed to form a deal with a motel chain the States. They were going to put her next to every motel in the country. I was shocked, you know? I taught her everything she knows about the restaurant business and here she was signing a major deal. I looked at myself and everything became so clear. I knew I had to do rediscover what made me special, and keep hitting that point.

OWN: How are you planning on finding what you’re looking for?
FT: I’m going to start eating right again, staying active by hitting the gym a few times a week. I’ve got this great trainer who has agreed to help me out in exchange for exclusive rights to a book which he’s going to call “Fat to Fit Tuesday”. I’m going to take three months off after six months of training to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, and then to Japan to climb Mount Fuji, and after that, I’m going back to New Orleans to reconnect with my roots.

OWN: Do you plan to return to Ottawa once you’re done?
FT: Yeah, but not to the Byward Market. I’m thinking of going a little further west to Kanata. They have more of a relaxed lifestyle than the downtown crowd. I think I’ll be able to find a suitable home there to test out the new me.

OWN: Have you heard of any plans to cover your vacant spot in the market?
FT: I heard they were going to bring in something called “Starbucks Evening” where they sell alcohol after 4 pm.

OWN: What’s your opinion of that?
FT: Can this be off the record?

OWN: Sure.
FT: I think it’s a silly idea, you go to Starbucks for coffee, not alcohol. Some people will love it, other people will hate it. Me personally, I’m somewhere in between. These baristas have to learn the most complicated coffee recipes, and now you’re going to make them learn how to mix cocktails? It seems like it’s unfair to the workers. Plus, once the late night crowd comes in you get all sorts of weirdos. Best of luck to them though. [...] Wait, I thought you said this would be off the record.

OWN: I stopped the recording.
FT: No, I can see the red light still.

OWN: OK fine, I don’t actually know how to stop it recording. It's a new recorder, this is my first time using it.
FT: Play it back, let me see what I said.

OWN: Okay. [Playback begins]
"OWN: Sure.
FT: I think it’s a silly idea, you go to Starbucks for coffee, not alcohol. Some people will love it, other people will hate it. Me personally, I’m somewhere in between. These baristas have to learn the most complicated coffee recipes, and now you’re going to make them learn how to mix cocktails? It seems like it’s unfair to the workers. Plus, once the late night crowd comes in you get all sorts of weirdos. Best of luck to them though. [...] Wait, I thought you said this would be off the record.
OWN: I stopped the recording.
FT: No, I can see the red light still.
OWN: OK fine, I don’t actually know how to stop it recording. It's a new recorder, this is my first time using it.
FT: Play it back, let me see what I said.
OWN: Okay."
FT: Actually that’s fine, you can leave that on the record. Do you have any more questions?

OWN: One last one. What advice do you have for other restaurants looking to grow?
FT: That’s a good question. I guess I would have to stay stick to your roots. You can grow and change all you want, but be honest with yourself. If you personally don’t agree with the direction you’re headed, change direction. You’ve got an infinite number of chances out there so do what you’ll be most proud of.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

#97 - Daniel Modulevsky

Dan Modulevsky joined the guys this week to discuss his PhD work at the University of Ottawa in the Pelling Lab. He's been working on growing animal tissue from apples, and working on advances in making biological testing more accurate, cheaper, and more realistic.

Sponsor -
This episode is also brought to you in part by Audible.com. Visit audibletrial.com/ottawhat today and get a free audiobook and free 30-day trial, and feel good in helping support the show.

Links:
Pelling Lab: http://www.pellinglab.net/
Spiderwort Inc: http://spiderwort.bio/
Cellfie Inc: http://cellfie.ca/

Beer:

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Carp Dump Proposed as New Site for Victims of Communism Memorial

With the decision not to build the controversial “Victims of Communism” Memorial next to the Supreme Court of Canada, officials are still searching for a more suitable spot. The news came as a relief to many Canadians, who thought that building the $3 million project on prime downtown real estate was a poor choice. Yesterday, the federal government revealed their new proposed site for the structure: the Carp Dump.

“It’s a win-win” says Ann Chowdrey, Deputy Director of Public Works, “This new location will save the taxpayer millions of dollars. People have been concerned about the cost of the Memorial since the beginning, but Carp Dump has offered to donate material to construct it.” Mrs. Chowdrey would not comment on how much of the design will be made of recycled parts, but she remains optimistic. “When it’s done, the Victims of Communism Memorial will be the most beautiful giant piece of trash” she beamed.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Trudeau to Adopt Two Families of Refugees

Canada’s goal of bringing 25,000 new Syrian refugees into the country recently succeeded, but the government has set a new goal of welcoming 35,000 to 50,000 more new refugees by the end of the year. PM Trudeau insists everyone is doing their part, but more work must be done. This week, he announced that he and his family will be legally adopting two entire families of Syrian refugees to help with the effort.

“My children are overjoyed at the idea that they will be uncles and aunts,” Trudeau says. “We’re proud to welcome Dr. Abraham Karam, his wife Aliya, their children – my grandchildren, Khaled and Nizar, and their brothers and sisters, Mohamed Wahab, his wife, Fatima, and their children Mohamed Hassan, and Mohamed Hussein.”

Trudeau also mentioned in the press release that, since the Rideau cottage doesn’t have enough space for his new children, they will be staying in the vacant 24 Sussex drive until they’re ready to move out. When questioned if the ages of his children, some older than Mr. Trudeau himself, were concerning, he replied, “Age makes no difference when it comes to family. My son, Dr. Abraham, of whom we are very proud for becoming a doctor, is 51 years old and I am only 45. This makes no difference to me, he is still my son. Like with all older children, he will be there to support his younger siblings just as much as we will. We have no concerns about how our children will grow up.”

Trudeau also stated that there will no longer be a need to hire a nanny as Aliya and Fatima are both work-at-home mothers.

“I encourage my fellow MPs to act in the same way as I have and adopt a family of refugees. It truly makes all the difference. Also, if my fellow Canadians wish to join in the effort, we launched the Adopt-A-Refugee program on April 1st. There are incentives to sign up such as tax breaks for all families adopting a refugee, and double the tax break if the refugees are Syrian,” says Trudeau.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Oil Prices Predicted to Hit $0 Per Barrel by 2018

The recent downturn of the oil industry has hit the Canadian economy hard. Thousands of jobs have been lost in Western Canada, while the weak Canadian dollar is creating financial barriers for citizens looking to travel.  Worst of all, some experts are warning that prices will continue to drop.

“Using the data I have collected over the past year, I can confidently confirm that oil prices will reach $0 by February 2018,” says statistician Bill R. Hurst. “I’ve run the numbers myself, several times in fact. If the price of oil continues to drop at the rate it’s going, it will be free in two years.” Mr. Hurst maintains that his model is foolproof, “In fact, if we use it to project even further into the future, you can see that the value of oil will actually extend into the negatives around March 2018. We will actually make money every time we go to fill our tanks!”

Hurst admits that he is uncertain as to the cause of the projected negative value of oil, but he does offer a theory. “As oil becomes less and less valuable, it will actually cost more money to dispose of it than to refine it. There may not be anywhere to put it. Companies will be forced to pay massive dumping fines, and may instead choose to instead pay consumers to take the commodity off their hands.” Bad news for the oil industry, but good news for Canadian commuters.