New Bilingualism Laws Force Comedy Club Patrons to Laugh in Both Official Languages

By: Andrea Tingey

A group of new bilingualism laws passed on Monday are no laughing matter for comedy clubs in the Ottawa-Gatineau region. The laws will cause a number of changes, including forcing comedy goers to laugh in both official languages.

Signs directing patrons on how to laugh in French and English will be posted on the front doors of comedy venues. The signs will have to be at least 8 ½” by 11” and will direct the patron to snort appropriately.

Harriet Stein, the owner of Ottawa's Yuk Yuk's comedy club, said she’s hoping the new legislation will make the experience more inclusive for patrons. “I always welcome all kinds of customers,” said Stein. “hopefully this will ensure the french minority will feel more welcome.”

The new laws have mostly confused patrons, including heckler Frank Zippo.

Zippo, who has been banned from Ottawa's Absolute Comedy twice, said he’s started taking French classes at an adult high school so he can heckle in both official languages. “I’ve always been meaning to learn French,” said the 39-year-old. “Now I have an excuse to make it a priority, just as I have made criticizing people on stage a priority.”

The law also states that comedians in the Outaouais have to tell jokes in both official languages.

Bart McKinnon, known for his routine criticizing Justin Trudeau, said he’s been working on improving his act so that his jokes will work in both languages. “The problem is a lot of jokes sound stiff in French,” he said. “It kind of ruins the mood when I have to bring up Google Translate on my phone.”

There is no news yet on how these regulations will affect sales and whether or not this will make comedy nights any funnier.

#93 - Helenka Zemanek

This week's podcast features Helenka Zemanek, a world traveller who enjoys Ukrainian dance despite not being Ukranian, and raves about Ottawa's Ethiopian restaurants, despite not being Ethiopian.

Amaan is sick this week; see if he makes it through the podcast alive!

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Links:
helenka360.wordpress.com
Svitanok Ukrainian Dance Society

Beer:

Root of Evil - Whiprsnapr Brewing Co.

Canadian Tire Dollar gains on weak Canadian Dollar

By: Mike Holuj

Economists all across Canada are shocked at the recent gains the Canadian Tire Dollar (CTD) is making, specifically when compared to the performance of the Canadian Dollar (CAD). The Canadian Dollar, (at the time of writing) sits at $0.73 USD, but the Canadian Tire Dollar has risen from $0.08 USD to $0.86 USD making it more valuable than the actual Canadian Dollar.

Martin Glansberg, an Ottawa economist specializing in alternate currencies says, “It’s truly amazing seeing the CTD beat out the CAD by almost 18%. It’s the biggest gain in alternate currency in one year than I’ve seen in my whole life. The CTD has been significantly less valuable than the CAD since its introduction to the market in 1958, and the way the market has been behaving lately, it’s no wonder that an alternate Canadian currency is beginning to take the lead.”

It is not currently known whether American markets will accept Canadian Tire money, however in Canada it can be used in place of Canadian dollars at all Canadian Tire locations.

To adapt to the rise in their currency’s value, Canadian Tire has begun to expand their variety of products from home and automobile equipment to many other items such as food, clothing, and are considering breaking into the real estate market.

“Look, with our dollar doing better than the actual Canadian Dollar, we’ve got to adapt fast or else we’ll be left behind. With enough work, we can make the Canadian Tire Dollar the new leading Canadian currency,” says James West, owner of Nepean’s Canadian Tire. “I can’t believe we were giving this away, it used to be something like 10% of the change you got back was CTD, but now, no way. We’re setting up currency conversion stations at the entrance to every store so we can start distributing more of our dollars. We’re even considering minting higher denominations of currency.”

Previously, the CTD was divided into bills of 5¢, 10¢, 25¢, 50¢, $1, and $2, but the store chain is considering releasing $5, $10, $20, $50, and $100 bills. “We can’t be certain on the future of this new currency, but we’ll see how the market behaves,” says West.

Reports also indicate that Walmart is considering launching an alternative currency, Wally Dollars (WAD), to compete with the CTD.